He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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