People with herpes should wear stickers.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
