She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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