Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
