Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
