I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
