If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Randomize
