UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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