Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
