Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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