fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
