i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
