Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
