Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
