i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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