Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
