I can text with my tongue
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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