So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
