Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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