Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize