How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
