so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
