Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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