I puked a lego.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
