Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
