My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it because I queefed?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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