There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
