he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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