i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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