Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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