You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
