just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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