True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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