okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
