yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize