Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
