Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
