Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
