the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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