I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
