wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
why is half of my head shaved?
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