woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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