Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
