it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
