So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
