My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your cock deserves a montage
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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