3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
