i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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