Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize