Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
