I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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