I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
