You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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