all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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