My first STD was from a foam party
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
