Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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