My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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