You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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