I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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