I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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