dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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