Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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