5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
