theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
